Bossiness and basics
Before we get onto the fun stuff, just to let you know, Bob has been on holiday for two weeks. So I have been going out with Bob to learn the route and since I phoned him up to say, Bob where shall I meet you today and he chortled, I’m at Gatwick, ho ho ho ho, I have been with the temp (very handsome Romanian, with amazing eyes) driver to help Jay Jay (our super fast sprinting bag lifer) to navigate (blooming one way systems). So with all my hands-on-back-to-the-shop-floor experience (and, you know, the extra large biceps), I thought we’d go back to basics, in a Rachel-gets-cross-and-bossy-bullet-point-extravaganza – (with jokes as treats).
• NO GLASS IN THE ORANGE BAGS – it’s dangerous to throw the bags because they might smash and cut one of us, ouch, but as well it contaminates things, meaning we can’t send your dirty paper to become new paper, fresh from the laundry.
• TIE UP YOUR BAGS – that way we prevent litter. When I was little (8?) me and my best friend Maria made a song up about litter prevention. You have to sing it to the tune of Jimmy Sonmerville’s Don’t Leave Me This Way. Ready?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
RUBBISH!
Put your rubbish in the
RUB-BISH BIN
Marsbar, Twix and Tango cans, just
DON’T FIT IN
In and aro-ound your
NEIGHBOURHOOD
Put it in your pocket
IF YOU COULD
Sing it with me
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
RUBBISH
• TIE UP YOUR CARDBOARD (5 boxes to a bundle) WITH STRING OR TAPE AND SLAP A STICKER ON IT, lost count of the times that I have lifted up a bundle only to have the middle 20 pieces drop out in a Frank Spencer moment. Also if you don’t put a sticker on it, we don’t know it’s to be Laundered – it could be any-old-person’s box and the council gets a bit cross. I’m having a crack down on unmarked cardboard this week, whoomp. If you don’t have any stickers, you absolutely must get some darling, they are so this season and have charming little catchphrases on them.
• NO SUPER HEAVY BAGS – please think about your backs and ours – I’ve already got a dubious injury from heavy lifting. I was working as a packaging consultant and one of our clients was a very famous, high street naughty shop. We had to weigh the packaging that surrounded their top 300 selling products. The first day we spent ripping plastic and cardboard off products such as “big ben” and novelty earrings, quite entertaining. Then weighing the different materials. 10g of cardboard, check, 0.5g plastic, check. The next day we spent in the warehouse. I picked up a box of 50 rabbits without bending my knees and slipped a disk. My back’s never been the same since. Depending on how cheeky I’m feeling, sometimes I explain all that first, sometimes I just call it my vibrator injury. Wow I’m overstepping the mark a bit here – eh?
Better stop there, before I reveal too much.